Joshua Tree
by modestroad
Summary: There is no such thing as a magic cock. Regina knows that too well.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** A big thank you to my betas Slave2Writing, LovaticFever, and tonguemarksonmymirror. For anyone following The Need, an update is coming soon. I had a mild case of writers block, but now I'm back.

* * *

There is no such thing as a magic cock.

Regina knows that too well.

* * *

"You are _what_?" she asks Emma one more time, hoping, foolishly, that the answer will change, that her ears are playing tricks on her in her old age.

"I'm pregnant," Emma wipes away her tears, "with a baby."

"You are an idiot," is all Regina says to her before walking out of the room.

* * *

Thankfully, Emma doesn't make an attempt to find Regina, giving the other woman enough alone time to form a plan and get drunk on wine. It takes her more time, but the wine mellows her down enough not to want to throw the sheriff out of her home. Thing is, Regina is not sure she wants Emma here, but losing Emma means losing Henry and she just got her son back, she doesn't want to lose him again.

But what Emma did…

Their relationship is rocky, they both know that. She's not an easy person to live with; Emma is a lot like her father and gets on Regina's nerves without much effort. She's also a lot like her mother, meaning that she's stubborn enough to turn a simple argument into a fight more often than not.

If their relationship is rocky, the sex is nothing less than great. Probably because most times it was angry sex or make up sex, or simple when-you-don't-care-enough-for-the-other-you-don't -hold-back sex. They don't make love, they fuck. Just because you have chemistry with someone doesn't mean you have to like that person.

They are staying together for the sex…and the kid.

And the kid?

Well, Regina does have her moments, but she's not stupid to pretend that Henry is here for her. He might love her, but Emma is the hero of the story and he always roots for her. Even when Regina is right and he knows she's right, even then, he takes Emma's side.

She doesn't mind.

She's paying for the sins of her previous life, and when Henry comes to her with a math problem he can't solve or because he thinks she would love the company, moments like that she knows that the price could be higher.

But she never forgets that she lives her life with borrowed time and it seems her clock has finally started ticking.

* * *

"I wasn't enough for you?" she asks, one hand holding the wall for support, the other a half empty bottle of red wine, her vision blurry, she might be crying, she's not sure.

She never did well with rejection.

Emma is sitting on her side of the bed, hugging her legs, trying to be as small as she can, her face pale except the redness of her eyes. "Don't…"

She nods, understanding what Emma can't finish saying, not that it would matter; the wine has done its job and she wants - no - _needs_ to talk. Slowly, she leaves her spot and covers the few steps that separate her from the bed without falling or swaying too much. She sits heavily, almost dropping flat on her back, the bottle hitting the side of the bed, and she shushes Emma with a move of her hand.

"He had mistresses," she watches as the other woman wipes her tears with the back of her palm. "Leopold, he had mistresses. Like, more than one. They used to pass me in the different rooms of the castle and look at me with pity because I couldn't pleasure the King."

She stops, her mouth suddenly dry from memories she would give everything to forget, but remembering is her curse, and takes a few sips from the bottle. The wine doesn't burn her throat like her cider or her favorite whiskey. It goes down smoothly, without effort, not as strong as the one she used to drink waiting to perform her wifely duties, but strong enough to give her a hell of a hangover tomorrow.

"They were right, you know," she laughs and this time she drops to her back and the room doesn't spin as much this way. Talking about her marriage to Leopold is something she prefers not to do and the few times Emma pushed her to talk they end up spending the night on different beds. But now, with the wine clouding her judgment and her defenses down, she admits truths she tried to hide even from herself.

"I tried. I even asked one of them, but how I was supposed to pleasure a man I never wanted in my bed?"

Emma doesn't say a word, the sound of her soft sobs the only sound in the room and Regina is glad that the blonde doesn't feel the need to fill the silence. Once upon a time, when she was young and still had hope in her heart, she hated the silence and did everything to fill it, but now, older and with no fragile dreams for anyone to shatter, she welcomes it.

"My mother tried her best to turn me into the perfect little lady when she really should have tried to make me the perfect little whore because, King or not, every man wants a whore in his bed and a lady to show off to his friends, and I was neither."

She hears a gasp coming from the other side of the bed and she chuckles; maybe her confession is a little too _Game of Thrones_ for the blonde. Or maybe Emma's just pissed that she dares to speak evil of Snow's father, a man that everyone but his wife loved. Regina takes comfort in the thought that everyone wasn't in their bed chambers with them when he forced himself into her.

Despite Leopold's many faults, sharing his wife wasn't one of them.

"Regina, no, it wasn't, I didn't want it…" Emma sniffs and Regina doesn't have to look to know that the younger woman used her sleeve as a handkerchief. _Disgusting habit_.

She takes comfort in the fact that Emma sounds as terrible as Regina feels.

Regina takes one last sip of the bottle. She knows her limits. If she drinks more, she's going to spend the night puking her guts, berating herself for drinking too much, pissed at the blonde for letting her drink so much, but if she stops now she's going to sleep in minutes and that will give her a few hours of peace before the battle that is going to be tomorrow comes.

"Here," she offers the bottle to the sheriff, misjudging her and Emma's position on the bed, forcing the blond to stop with the self-pity and almost dive to catch the bottle before it hits the covers and colors them red with wine. "Don't drink it," she states matter-of-factly. "You can't drink in your condition."

* * *

"Mom?"

Henry's voice comes from a distance, like a dream. She doesn't try to open her eyes, burying her face into the pillow and covering her head with the blanket.

"Mom, wake up. Mom!" Henry whines the last word and she groans because she's not ready to wake yet. "I'm going to be late, mom. Wake up!"

She opens her eyes then, still blurry from sleep and the wine, her mouth and lips dry, a wet spot on the pillow and she rubs her cheek to get rid of any hints of dry drool. "What?"

"Pfft," Henry closes his nose with one hand, cleaning the air with the other, a grimace on his face. "You smell of alcohol."

"Come on, kid, let's go to Granny's me and you, eh?" Emma's voice sounds like heaven to Regina and, when she feels the weight of the bed shift, she covers her head with the blankets one more time; let Emma deal with Henry for one morning.

* * *

It's the afternoon when a gentle hand to her shoulder wakes her again.

"Are you feeling okay?"

Emma's lips are a thin line, her green eyes dark with worry and questions that need answers she won't get because she won't ask. She sits at the edge of the bed, an arm covering her front, and if she didn't have a killer headache, Regina would roll her eyes at Emma's protective pose; the sheriff doesn't even show yet!

"What time is it?" she asks, wiping the sleep from her eyes.

"Um, a quarter after one. Henry will be home soon. Some kid thought it was the perfect time to test the fire alarm of the school, so David is going to drop him in a few." Emma runs a hand through her hair. "Are you feeling better?"

"You are pregnant."

"Yeah," Emma looks down when she hands her two pills and a glass of water. "I am."

"Who's the father?" Regina asks at the same time Henry yells that he's home from downstairs and while she's glad they are not going to have this conversation since she's not ready for the rejection, she can't help but feel a sharp pain in her chest at seeing the relief in Emma's eyes.

* * *

For some reason, perhaps because she got drunk on a school night and usually when she drinks she makes sure that he's nowhere around, Henry wants to spend time with her, and since she is in no condition to cook, Emma drives them all to Granny's in an awkward silence. The trip to Granny's is short, but every few minutes Henry attempts to start a conversation with her and any other day she would be happy to be included in his life, but today isn't any other day.

"That's great, Henry," she says because he said something to her and waits for an answer, missing the exchange of looks in the front-view mirror between him and Emma.

"Are you okay?" he asks and this time she groans with frustration.

* * *

David finds them in the diner while they are still waiting for Ruby to take their order, with plans for a fishing trip with Leroy and Henry, smiling widely like he has no care in the word. Henry is excited, of course, and while Regina is a good enough actress to pull off excitement, Emma is at the corner of the booth, playing nervously with a napkin, and taking no part in the conversation, which is enough to get a worried look from David.

"Are you okay?" He asks, his eyes never leaving Regina and she rolls her eyes because of course the shepherd will blame her for his daughter's state.

"Just tired, I guess."

And while Regina is getting a little worried (the sheriff is paler than usual and she looks as if she hasn't slept for days) she's not ready for a talk with the "in-law". David gives Henry a fake smile before he asks to talk to her and Regina is two seconds away from turning him into something without vocals cords or eyes that are blaming her for everything.

"David, please." Emma tries to protest and Henry opens his mouth to say something when Regina cuts them both.

"Order me a burger with a small salad on the side, would you?"

When she steps outside she can see that David is furious with her. Hands on his hips, his gun showing and the way he turns his lips into a thin line reminds her of Emma so much that she wants to punch him.

"You did something to her?"

_Yes_, Regina wants to scream at him, _I let my guard down and that idiot daughter of yours broke my heart._

But she's not going to admit that to him. She's not sure she's going to admit that to Emma either. Because Emma is pregnant with someone's child and that means that whatever Regina thought they had was nothing but a lie. So she lies because lies come easy.

Because lies hurt less than the truth.

"We had a fight."

"That's all?"

She nods. "That's all."

David goes back inside without another word, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

* * *

Henry is her son after all, because later that day, he gets Emma to spill the beans.

They are watching some movie Regina has seen before and while she stares at the screen her mind is elsewhere. She hears Henry laugh at something that happens in the movie, hears Emma's voice, stronger, almost normal, and Henry is laughing again. It brings a smile to her lips, the sound of her son laughing and for a few moments Henry is four again with a gap where his front teeth should be, hugging her legs with all his power, laughing with all his heart and she doesn't realize that Emma told him about the baby until he jumps up from where he sits with excitement.

"I'm going to be a brother?" He smiles wide, thinking of his baby brother or baby sister before another thought darkens his face. "But you are with mom."

"Henry," Regina stands up and tries to calm him, but he's not her little boy anymore and he doesn't let her.

"Did-did you cheat on my mom?" He is angry now and Regina is glad that they are at home and not at Granny's with curious bystanders. "Did you cheat on her? Answer me!"

At thirteen, Henry looks more like his father than his grandfather with the way he stands, his hands tight fists on both sides of his body, and he steps in front of her, protecting her with his body, and if it wasn't for the terrified look in Emma's face, Regina would be in tears because that's the last she expected after everything she did in her life.

She strokes the back of his neck the way she did when he was a baby and teething, when he was a toddler and had a nightmare, when he was seven and sad because he didn't have a dad, feeling his body instantly relax beneath her touch.

"Mom?"

Just one word, but she understands the meaning behind it; Henry is thirteen and has seen more than kids his age should and he's asking her to tell him that his life is not about to change again. That his trust is not about to shatter into a million pieces once more.

And because Regina knows too well about trust and broken pieces, she lies to him.

"I have magic, Henry, and so does Emma." She turns him so she can stare him straight in the eyes, a trick she mastered while she was a young Queen and mourning for Daniel. "I'm not sure how, I won't lie to you about that, but Emma is pregnant with my child."

"But you are a woman!"

"I am aware of that, dear." She smiles at him, waiting for him to do the same and when he doesn't, she lies some more. "I think it's because Emma is the product of True Love. My magic and her magic…I'm not sure, but I think it's the combination of both of them."

"Have you heard of something like that before?"

"Honestly? No." She looks at Emma, afraid that the other woman will say something and ruin the whole thing, but Emma's face is drained from color and has a distant look in her eyes. "That's why you have to keep it a secret at least until I learn more. Now, can you please bring your mother a glass of water because I'm afraid she's going to pass out."

She doesn't.

* * *

Regina helps her to the bed while Henry is making chai for her, something he saw online and is his way of saying sorry.

"Why did you do it?" Emma whispers to her when Henry is out of reach.

"For him, not for you."

"You shouldn't have."

"But I did."

Emma opens her mouth to ask something, but Regina stops her.

"Tomorrow. We'll talk tomorrow."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: At the start of the summer I had three betas. Now I'm down to one. Special thanks to Rosalinde for offering her help in a time of need.

_You would have been enough._

But she isn't, is she?

Regina, on her back, a hand behind her head as if the world hadn't crushed around her, stares at the ceiling and while Emma, exhausted from the day's events, is sleeping somewhat peaceful next to her, she's watching the seconds turn into minutes and then into hours, but every time she tries to close her eyes her mother's words come back to haunt her, keeping her from finding the solitude to sleep.

Emma turns on her side and a heavy breath escapes her lips. Regina looks at her, waiting for a sign that the blonde is waking, but after a few moments her breathing goes back to normal and Regina is left to stare at the ceiling once again. She's not a fool to think that Emma's dreams are pleasant, but she's the one awake and irritated and she would feel a lot better if the blonde was awake with her.

She, too, turns on her side and instead of the ceiling; she stares outside the window at the black winter sky. They've had a heavy winter so far, days and days of rain and snow. She shivers at the thought of the last snowfall and despite herself she moves closer to Emma. It seems that Emma is almost always cold and Regina, despite what she shows to the world, likes to cuddle.

But cuddling tonight means she has forgiven Emma and she hasn't. She's not sure she will. Never is a very long time, she finally starts to realize that, but she's not going to forgive the blonde anytime soon; that much she knows. Part of her even hates Emma for making her feel like she's eighteen again with a mother that didn't love her, a father that never protected her and a husband she didn't want.

It always comes back to that.

Her mother, her mistakes, the way she can't let go of things like normal people can. People accuse her of not feeling a thing when the reality is that she's feeling too much. "People love in different ways," Archie told her one morning when she was upset about something Henry did. "You feel too deep. It is part of why you can't let go. Everything you feel, you feel it too much."

She's surprised that the bug doesn't need therapy after their sessions together. They had a rough start, with him betraying her trust and her mother using him to achieve her plans, but now they have a nice doctor-patient relationship going. Sometimes she even thinks of him as a friend. Therefore she won't tell him about Emma's situation until she's sure what they are going to do.

Lying to Henry is one thing, lying to the whole town might take more time and effort.

Her eyes search for the clock again and when she sees the time she lets out a sigh; she's not going to get any sleep tonight and since David will come at six to take Henry on the fishing trip, she doesn't see why not get up now and fix a nice breakfast for her son. And maybe a snack for the road.

Like she does every time she gets out of the bed, she makes sure not to shift her weight much and wake the blonde. She realizes what she's doing a minute too late and spends the next few minutes staring at the sleeping form with dark eyes. Then her gaze falls to Emma's belly and she feels the walls closing in.

She needs to do something.

* * *

Cooking is a lot like making magic.

Curses and spells, and magic filters that can make someone grow hair or fall in love with their worst enemy. Wearing a hideous lime green t-shirt (sometimes Henry forgets that she doesn't share his taste in comic books) and black sweatpants that she borrowed from Emma's wardrobe, Regina finds her way to the kitchen.

Closing the door behind her she opens the light and goes straight to the fridge, but not without noticing the empty dish in the sink. Henry, probably, had a snack before bed and like most boys his age found it easier to simple leave the plate there until tomorrow than wash it out.

Just like his other mom.

But unlike with his other mom, Regina can't seem to get mad at him. Her little boy is a little man now, with all the bad and good puberty brings. His voice still cracks sometimes and she pretends that she doesn't see the redness of his cheeks or the way his showers get longer and longer. Soon he'll start to shave and sneak girlfriends into his room.

(She's not ready to be replaced again.)

Fridges, she long discovered, hold secret powers of hypnotism. Small and old or big and brand new, people open the door and step into another world, one that takes them away from their problems, there is no other explanation for the amount of time people spend looking inside a fridge. She's not different either despite being, literally, from another world.

When Henry was a toddler and she was reading The Chronicles of Narnia at him, to make him stop opening the fridge and leaving the door open when something else caught his attention, she had convinced him that their fridge was a pass way to another land. It didn't stop him from leaving the fridge open and didn't stop him from dreaming of other worlds when he found out that sometimes a fridge is just a fridge.

And now that he knows the truth about other worlds and mythical creatures, now he prefers to go to baseball games, watch too many zombie movies for him to be able to sleep peaceful at night, and hides when he sees the girl he likes. The son of the Evil Queen and the Savior grew up to be an all American boy.

Door still open, she frowns. Her son is finally happy and telling him the truth about the baby will only set him back. Perhaps even hate both of them for lying to him again. And as much as she wants to wake him up and tell him the truth, that yes, Emma cheated on her; she knows how it feels to be on the receiving end of his anger and doesn't wish it to anyone.

Especially Emma.

The blonde just recently found her footsteps as a parent, finally figuring out that a parent is not someone that lets their teen son skip school to play swords with his grandpa or allow him to eat burgers and fries for breakfast. Sometimes a mother needs to be mean, but it doesn't mean that she doesn't love her child. Once Emma realized that, she started to say 'no' more often to Henry's demands allowing Regina to take a breath.

She closes the door with a thump and opens it right away; she still needs to figure out what to cook and what ingredients she will need. After another few minutes of staring, she decides to make chicken enchiladas; easy to make, Henry loves them and he can eat them on the road.

She looks at the time, too late to be up and too early to start cooking and when a yawn escapes her lips, she's already putting water in the coffee machine. The smell of coffee will probably wake Emma, the only thing in the world that can, and she's surprised when she's sitting at the kitchen table, tomatoes, coriander leaves, yellow and serrano chili spread in front of her on the table, drinking her second cup and Emma is nowhere in sight.

_Oh right_. The baby.

If she could pretend with Emma the same way she did with Snow, but she can't. Emma didn't tell her how far along she is, but sooner or later she'll start to show and even Regina can't pretend that Emma is not with child. And if she could, she's not sure if Henry can keep this a secret for long.

And they are back to lying.

Emma to her, Regina to Henry and Henry to the whole town.

She takes another sip of her coffee, enjoying the bittersweet taste of the beverage. Thank the gods that blessed her with an extraordinary good memory because in the next days she's going to need it. She drains her coffee, gets up and stretches her back and neck, satisfied when she hears a 'crack', and leaves her cup in the sink; no reason to wash it now after all.

Time to cook.

* * *

"What the hell are you doing?"

Emma's voice surprises her, causing her to jump and hit the top of her head on the open kitchen cabinet. For a minute her vision blurs from the pain and she curses under her breath, hands caressing the sore spot; she doesn't feel anything warm so she's not bleeding.

"Shit," she hears Emma move next to her rather than see her. "Let me just…"

Emma is standing too close to her, so close that when Regina opens her eyes she looks right into Emma's cleavage and despite herself she tries to figure out if her boobs are bigger. It is too early, she knows that, and Emma didn't seem to be more sensitive to the touch when they had sex four nights ago. But one part of her still believes that this is going to turn out to be one big prank.

That perhaps Emma is wrong.

"Here," Emma turns off the tap, Regina didn't hear water running but she must have turned it on because she feels something wet and cold on the top of her head, a cloth or a towel, and the pain is still there, but bearable. "You're not bleeding, are you?"

She shakes her head causing the black spots to blur her vision again and Emma must have seen her dazed look because she's helping her sit in a chair before moving a second chair next to hers.

"You want me to call Whale?"

Regina almost smiles. She has a hard time imaging Dr. Frankenstein running to her house in the middle of the night to treat something that is as life threatening as a paper cut.

"I'll live." She says dryly.

Emma doesn't say anything. She pushes her chair behind; Regina is happy to notice that she didn't scratch the floor, and watch as Emma opens the cabinet, takes one clean glass and fills it with water from the tap. Regina is refusing to pay and will not pay money for something that she can have for free. It's not as if they had bottled water back at the Enchanted Forest.

The best they had was watery wine and lukewarm beer. People like to complain about the curse, but Regina still remembers the stink of the town around the palace. More people died from diseases than from her hand. It doesn't justify her actions, but sometimes she wishes people could remember the truth about their land and not pretend that everyday life there was out of the books.

Emma offers the glass to her with a, "You're making Enchiladas? Jesus, Regina, its four in the morning!"

"I couldn't sleep."

"And making Enchiladas in the middle of the night is going to help you sleep?"

"No." She answers firmly, holding the glass. "I decided to cook because I'm angry at you."

Again Emma says nothing. But unlike two nights before, she doesn't turn her gaze away. She looks at her as if she's waiting on an explanation and Regina is so tired of explaining everything to everyone that she feels her anger rise so fast and so sudden inside of her that she feels like she'll drown if she doesn't do something.

"Don't do that," Emma says and reaches for her hand, and Regina knows exactly what Emma is asking her not to do and hates her a little more because Emma is right; nothing good ever happened when she let her anger and desperation take the best of her.

"Don't tell me what to do!" She stands up, throwing the wet towel into the sink, missing her cup by an inch or two. "Don't tell me what to do." She repeats again, with less malice to her voice than before, but the need to do something is stronger than ever.

Emma is looking at her, still on her seat, but Regina knows her too well by now, knows how her body feels next to hers, when she's tense and ready for a fight or relaxed and ready for a good time and Emma? If Henry wasn't sleeping in his room, it would be a fight bards would make songs about.

"You think I wanted this?" She asks, her body shaking with nerves or anger, Regina doesn't know and doesn't care, trying to keep her voice from waking Henry.

"You think I did?"

It unnerves Emma, how weak her voice sounds and she drops her head between her hands with an even weaker, "No."

And Regina, because she can't hurt or throw Emma without losing Henry, she sits again, feeling as defeated as the woman next to her, and as desperate as the woman she once was, takes a knife from the table and starts to chop onion she won't use in the food, but as an excuse for her tears.

One onion.

Two onions.

Three.

"What are you doing?" Emma sniffs besides her.

"I'm angry at you." She replies. "When I'm angry I cook. Instead of doing magic."

"Does it help?"

Regina stops what's she doing and laughs, and when she sobers she finds Emma's eyes. "We went to see The Avengers with Henry. Despite everything, he was still a child that wanted to see his favorite superhero so we went to see The Avengers."

"O-Okay."

"Near the end of the movie, there was a scene with the Avengers sans Iron Man, and Dr. Banner where he tells them his secret. Leaving the cinema Henry asked me how could someone always be angry and I looked at him because how could someone not be?"

She watches as Emma closes her eyes and licks her lips, realization hitting her. "Regina, I…"

"I wasn't." Regina continues not giving her a chance to talk. "With you. I wasn't. And for a moment I let myself believe that maybe this is it, my happy ending. Or this world's version of it. A world where I wake up in the morning and wasn't feeling angry and it was such a relief. And then…you're with a baby and how could I even think of having a happy ending?"

There are tears in Emma's eyes and Regina knows this time it's not because of the onions.

"I still want a family. I want Henry and, for some reason, I still want you." She shakes her head and looks outside the window; the sky is pitch black and there's not a ray of light in the horizon. "But I can't stand you right now."

She wipes her cheeks with the back of her palm, stands up and lays a kiss on the top of Emma's head.

"Turn the stove off in five minutes."


	3. Chapter 3

A thunderstorm makes avoiding Emma an easy job for Regina.

There is a warning about a thunderstorm that no one in Northern Maine gives much attention; Maine gets twenty or less thunderstorms per year and their primal fear is keeping the roads clean from the snow not taking cover when it starts to rain. But, as Regina finds out, sometimes Mother Nature has plans of her own.

The storm hits the northern parts of the state with force, making people search for shelter and causing enough damage to have the mayors of ten cities on the phone for weeks. Storybrooke's marina pays the price and part of the roof of the sardine factory is found some hundred feet away. The shops near the marina are the ones with the most damage and even Granny has to clean her diner from the waters.

Regina's days mix with her nights and for ten days straight she practically sleeps with her phone on her hand and doesn't come home until both Henry and Emma are fast asleep. She takes quick showers that do little to take the edge from her shoulders and she's asleep before her head hits the pillow.

The phone wakes her before dawn and she feels every second of her years.

* * *

Apparently Henry is nothing like his grandmother because he keeps his mouth shut and shrugs his shoulders when his grandparents ask him why Emma is feeling tired all the time.

"I'm not home much," Regina says and Henry gives her a sly little grin behind his grandparents back. "Being a single parent is not an easy job. Perhaps, if David doesn't mind, she could take the week off?" She offers with a smile (and when in hell did she reach a point where she doesn't have to fake it?) before a look at her watch has her running back to her office for another long afternoon.

* * *

What with avoiding Emma and trying to find a way to balance the budget without asking for additional financial help, it means that she has little time to think about the baby so it comes as a surprise when getting out of the shower one day, she sees Emma looking at herself at the mirror. She's on her side, covering her breasts with her arm, hair down, a mess of blond curls and she carries a small smile that with the only light in the room coming from the window it makes her look almost like an early Botticelli painting.

It would be more than enough to make her drop her towel that holds around her down, take Emma to the bed and make love to her until the sun is well up at the sky.

The small baby bump stops her from doing so and she just stands on the bathroom's door staring at the other woman.

"I'm showing," Emma says searching for Regina's eyes.

"Have you seen a doctor?" Regina asks casually, as if she's not been doing everything possible to be out of Emma's way for the last couple weeks.

She's not giving Emma the silent treatment per se, but they are not exactly talking. Not about the things they need to talk about. They do small talk about Henry or what food should Regina cook – if she leaves her office on time.

Emma nods. "Yeah. To Ellsworth, last week. I didn't want to see someone here," she bites her lip. "I mean, not until I'm- _we_, are ready."

It's Regina's turn to nod. Of course Emma would want time to tell her mother and father that she's with child especially since she's dating the Evil Queen. Regina looks at her, then at the baby bump and she feels like she's frozen in time; she needs to get dressed and go to the grocery store.

Instead, she finds herself admitting things to Emma that she never wanted to admit. "I wanted a big family."

Emma finds her eyes in the mirror and waits for her to continue. They have done that enough the last weeks to know when to keep her mouth shut and when to talk. Regina is grateful for that.

"I was an only child and, as you can imagine, my family didn't get along with other people," she gives Emma a small, sad smile, thinking how different her life would have been if her mother wasn't so obsessed with power. "I didn't have many friends growing up and I always thought that when I had a family of my own I would have lots of kids so they would always have someone to play with."

"Did he-"There is emotion in Emma's words and it surprises her how Emma can feel so much about someone that never met. "Did he want a big family?"

Regina laughs- not from her heart, short lived, and her laugh has sadness in it, the same sadness that her eyes have when she's talking about him. "He wanted my kids." Something chokes her and swallows hard, the motion hurting her throat more. "Daniel had lost a brother and a sister to winter and the flu. His family was poor and they barely broke even. Working for us was the best thing that could have happened to them. They offered us their services and my family offered them a roof over their heads and a warm plate of food."

She doesn't need to continue, they both know what happened to Daniel. Emma doesn't know that when Daniel died and she was forced to marry the King, she took his family with her at the palace. Every day until the day both his parents died she had to watch them mourn for a boy they didn't know had died. She had told him the same story as she had told Snow, that Daniel ran away, leaving her and his family behind and she had to watch them every day as the lines got deeper around their eyes.

They had already lost two children, let them believe that their son was happy somewhere else or so she thought. Having Henry in her life showed her how wrong her thinking was; if something happened to him she would want to know. She would want to make whoever was responsible pay.

"Regina?" She snaps from her daydreaming when she feels Emma's hands on her shoulder. She's dressed now, Emma, with a shirt that barely covers her belly and they really need to go shopping because this is really happening. "Did you hear a single word I said?"

"I was thinking of something," she justifies herself.

"Do you really have to do this?"

"Do what?"

"Do you really have to make me feel like crap, Regina?" Emma is not angry, but not calm either; the calm before the storm. "'Cause you can stop, okay? I feel like shit without you and your stories. I screwed up, okay? I screwed up!"

"You definitely _screwed_ someon-"

Emma's palm is heavy on her cheek and the shock so great that she drops the towel and stands to stare at Emma, cheek burning from the slap, naked as the day she was born. Then something snaps inside of her and it must be showing in her eyes because Emma holds both her hands up and takes a step back.

"I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry."

Her lips barely moving and she's not blinking when she says, "You are going to be."

Emma stares at her with wide eyes and Regina flexes her fingers because if they are going to do that she's not going to hold back not even for Henry when a sob escapes Emma. The blonde starts to cry, turns her back on Regina and sits down on the bed, almost missing it, and Regina is so confused she doesn't know what to do; comfort Emma or get dressed and get the hell out of there.

"Emma?"

"Shut up. Shut up! Shut up!" Emma slides from the bed to floor, her body shaking with sobs and Regina goes from pissed off and ready to throw a fireball to worry in record time. "Just shut up."

Regina licks her lips, trying to figure out what to do when she realizes that she's still naked. Without talking, she gets clean clothes, bra, panties, black skinny jeans and her favorite shirt, black of course, a gift from Henry. Emma is still on the floor by the time she's dressed, but her sobs have calm out and Regina kneels next to her.

"Are you okay?"

"No." She sniffs and lets out something like a laugh. "No, I am not okay. I'm definitely not okay."

Regina nods and with a wave of her hand a glass full with cold water appears next to Emma. The blonde takes it with a small smile and drinks it heartily.

"Are you feeling better?"

Emma shakes her head and offers a confusing, "Not really. A little. I don't know."

"Okay," Regina sits down opposite to her. "Do you want me to call someone?"

Emma laughs again, the same bitter sound, and looks at her with puffy red eyes. "I thought you are _my_ someone."

She doesn't want to upset the blonde more, but she doesn't know how to keep her mouth shut either. "The evidences say otherwise."

Clearly the wrong thing to say because when Emma looks at her, her green eyes are filled with tears. "I fucked up. I know, okay? I know. I made a mistake. If someone should understand me it should be you."

"Because I'm the Evil Queen and I always will be?" She's not using Emma's exact words, but she remembers too well those words, in her front yard years ago, like it's yesterday. Emma was right that morning; people will always remember the things they did, good, bad, they are stuck in their memories forever and they don't have the benefit of a curse this time.

"Yes." A heartbeat later, "No."

"Yes or no, dear? Make up your mind." She moves closer, her anger gone.

"No."

Well, small victory.

"Would you have told me? If you weren't pregnant, would you have told me?"

Emma shakes her head. "He was no one. Just a guy at the bar. Passing through."

If she says that to make her feel better then Emma doesn't really know her at all.

"I need to go to the grocery shop."

* * *

She ends up at the playground, the one that Henry never liked and rarely came here to play. Now the place is full with kids that are running around, chasing each other and driving their parents crazy with their cheers. She has to wait to find a bench to sit and then she has to wait until the last kid is gone to open the grocery bag she's holding.

Wine, blue cheese, fresh baked bread and a bag of walnuts; a pity party for one but at least she's doing it with class. Well, with the exception of one plastic cup for the wine.

The sky is dark blue and it smells like rain although the broadcast last night said nothing about rain. Living in Maine for so long had taught her a couple things about the weather and she looks at the ocean for any sight of a storm. The waters are still calm, but have a dark silver look and she has a few hours before it starts to rain.

She's in the middle of a perfect bite (bread, a piece of blue cheese and a walnut on top) and has done some damage to the wine, when she spots Henry riding his bicycle. He asked for a dirt bike and while Neal said yes, both Emma and she vote against it. He was mad at them for a few weeks, even went as far as to stay at Neal's and they had to sit him down and explain to him their reasons for not buying him one.

He's at that age that girls and cars have most of his attention and he thinks that riding around with his bike makes him look bad.

"Hey mom," he greets her and lets the bike fall on the ground before taking a seat so close to her their legs touch. "You went to the store?"

"I did," she nods.

"Wine, bread and cheese. Wow, I'm so glad that I had a burger at Granny's." He attacks her bag of walnuts though, throwing three of them in his mouth. "Emma said you two had a fight." And then, before she has time to answer or he to swallow, "Why did we never come to this playground? The view is awesome from here."

"Who told you we didn't?"

"We did?" Another handful or walnuts, a little bit of cheese and he's eyeing the bread on her lap.

"Here," she breaks the bread giving him the largest of the pieces. "I used to bring you here all the time when you were little."

"Yeah? I don't remember the place."

"When you were six you decided that you liked the castle better," she takes a sip from her wine. "We never came here again."

They watch the sea for a while; her drinking her wine, him chewing loudly before he has enough.

"Were you fighting about the baby?"

"Henry-"

"Why were you fighting about the baby? Emma was crying and you were nowhere to be found, and…I don't like it when you fight. Emma's burying herself at work and you brood for days."

"I don't brood." He raises an eyebrow. "I don't brood."

"You do, mom, and it used to scare me."

If Henry had slap her she wouldn't be so surprised. "It did?"

"Well, yeah," he looks at her as if he doesn't understand how she doesn't know that. "I used to think you were plotting something." Then it hits him. "Mom? The reason you and Emma are fighting, it doesn't have to do with you, you know, being the Evil Queen, does it?"


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N**: Believe it or not, but this chapter is one week late. I had an eye infection that still causing me problems and then my laptop wouldn't open, so yeah. One week late. Which is a personal best for me.

* * *

"Is it? Is it? Is it?" He nags her knee with his, lips curled into a grin, hair falling into his eyes, and he looks so adorable she can't help but grin back at him.

Never in her wildest dreams could she have imagined that a day would come that she and Henry would talk about her past and laugh about it. Henry has grown not only physically but emotionally as well. He understands now a little bit better why she did all the things she did and while he doesn't make excuses for her, he's comfortable knowing it's all behind them now. One day she will pay for everything she has done, but until then she's going to enjoy moments like this with him.

"What do you think?" She asks him and watched him as his grin fades into a scowl, but his knee rests next to hers; a few years ago she would be searching for him around town.

"I think you shouldn't lie to the baby." He finally says.

"Great," She throws a piece of bread unto the grass and watches as three birds land instantly to eat it. "So he can hate me right away instead of wasting ten years."

Suddenly everything around them seem to stop; the wind, the clouds, the waves, everything stops. Her heart too, though only she can hear it beat inside her chest too loud, then too fast. So fast she's afraid she's going to have a heart attack and wouldn't that be ironic? She never thought she could die from one, not before and even now it's not an option to consider. An arrow to the heart is the best she can hope for, partner of the Savior or not.

But now, sitting on the bench, holding her breath and panicking, looking as a million emotions pass through her son's face, right now it is an option. "Henry, I-I didn't mean it."

"Yeah, you did," But he doesn't sound angry and he's not bolting away either, and she must look at him with a haunted look because he turns his body to face her and puts his hand on her knee to calm her. "Mom, it's okay. I was angry at you for keeping something as big as that from me, for making me think I was crazy, but I'm not anymore. I know you love me and I also know that people love differently and I can't hold it against you, you know? You love me, I love you, and if there's one thing I can thank Neverland enough for, its making me see things differently."

"I do love you, so much," And she knows better than to kiss him in public, therefore she covers his hand with hers, squeezing his fingers lightly. "But I couldn't tell you about the curse even if I wanted it."

"And did you? Did you want to tell me?"

"No." She shakes her head and Henry laughs. "Not for the reason you think."

"Okay," He doesn't sound convinced, but he's still here, his hand still in hers and she knows she can tell him now all the things she couldn't tell him before.

"Do you know how hard it is to adopt a child when you are a single mother and people forget all about you when they cross the town's limits?"

He makes a grimace because no, of course he hadn't thought of that and why would he? He's the child and she's the adult, and he probably thinks that his adoption was part of a master plan and he couldn't be more wrong. Gold, he made the deal, but he couldn't possible know that the Savior had a son.

"They wouldn't believe you. Not without Emma. And they would have taken you from me. A child with an active imagination is one thing, but can you imagine if the mayor of the town went left and right telling them that the curse is real? I would be in a straightjacket and you on your way for the nearest foster home."

"Oh," He looks down, biting his lip, having a faraway look in his face; even now it is hard for him to think that maybe she had a reason sending him to Archie. Not the best of the reasons, but better than no reason at all. She can't blame him and she won't. If she could turn back time she would have made things differently with him. But they can only jump through worlds and she can try to make things better for him, for them, from now on.

"But you wanted me, right? I mean, I know that Emma didn't-"

"Emma was a child herself and in prison," she interrupts him. "I'm sure that if she was a few years older and had a steady job, she would have kept you."

"Keep is not the same as want."

"Look at me," she says and when he fails to meet her gaze, she puts a finger down his chin like she used to do when he was just her tiny little guy and wanted him to know that he had her full attention. It looks ridiculous to do so now that Henry is too tall and his shoulders are too wide, but he lets her and she can only smile to him. "I don't know what you think about your adoption and I don't care to tell the truth."

He snorts and puts a knee on top of the other, arms crossed in front of him. "O-okay, you are full of surprises today."

"No, listen." She exhales loudly. The things she's about to say to him she hasn't said them to anyone. Not to Emma, the woman she's shared her bed and life with for the past years. Not to Archie, someone that she feels close enough to, to call a friend, and definitely not to Snow White. She has figured out that her relationship with Snow is at its best when they talk about mindless things like recipes and crime books. Occasionally they talk about Emma too, but nothing too deep.

"Mom? You don't have to tell me," Henry says, sensing that this is something she's not comfortable talking about.

"I always wanted kids." When he says nothing she continues, "When Daniel died my dream to have a family died as well. And then I became the Evil Queen and I had all that darkness around me." She stops, feeling her eyes burn, but if she can't tell him the truth about the baby, at least she can tell him the truth about him. "I was the darkness."

"Mom," he says and there is only sadness in his voice.

"People started talking about me and the more they talked the more I did, and kids became a forbidden thought. Everywhere I went I brought chaos and pain, people were hiding their kids from me, whispering behind my back that any child of mine would be cursed and evil, and after a while I believed them."

"Come on, mom." It's obvious, from the way his voice waves at the end that this conversation hurts him, but she's determined to get some things out of her chest. Maybe, just maybe, it will help him understand her a bit more.

"How could I not? You never met my mother, but you know the things she had done. And I thought, the apple didn't fall very far from the tree. I believed that for so long. We were here, in this new land, for over a decade and I still believed that. How could I be a good mother when all I knew was how to hurt people?" Again she stops, this time when she feels his hand squeezing hers. The message is subtle, clear; _go on, I've got you_. "Here, in Storybrooke, I wasn't the Evil Queen anymore, but up here?" She tips her temple. "I never stopped and it took me over a decade to get over my fears and fill out a form."

Henry smiles, "And then you got me."

"Eventually," she says softly. "And the day I held you-"

"Best day of your life!" His smile turns into a wide grin and she takes his hand and kisses his fingers like she did when he was a toddler.

"The scariest day of my life. You were so innocent and I haven't been that for a very long time."

[x]

It's raining buckets by the time Regina opens the door and Henry runs inside, hair and jacket wet from the rain, but his cheeks are red and he's laughing, explaining to her something that happened at school today. Regina's too busy getting her boots out that she doesn't realizes when Emma walks down the stairs until she feels a warm hand on her back.

She turns and stares straight into Emma's eyes. "Hey."

"Hey." The blonde says awkwardly.

Henry looks at them for a while before bursting into a new round of laughter. "You are worst than schoolboys. And I _am_ one!"

"Shower," Regina orders and he runs upstairs but not before kissing both his mothers in the cheek.

"Katherine called." Emma informs her when they hear his bedroom door close. "You forgot your phone here. I didn't realize it was yours until she told me."

"Why are you apologizing? I've picked up your phone many times before." Regina runs a hand through her wet hair and watches as Emma moves from one foot to another. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing."

"_Emma_."

"I don't feel well, okay?" She says and puts a hand in front of her. "My stomach or something."

"Go lay down and I'll make you some soup." Emma opens her mouth to protest, but Regina doesn't let her. "Now, Emma."

"Yeah, okay. Nothing too spicy." She says from the stairs.

"I know, dear."

It is such a familiar scene that Regina stands outside the kitchen's door trying to compose herself. For a couple minutes there it was, as if nothing had happened, just a couple having a silly fight. Emma eating like a ten year old and having a stomach ache, and her making chicken soup to sooth her.

As nice as it was, pretending that nothing's wrong, it doesn't last long. Regina goes to the kitchen to heat up some chicken soup for Emma – canned soup will do on such short notice. She opens the fridge to take out the cheese and frowns. "I really need to go to the grocery store," she says to herself running a thumb to her forehead, the taste of the wine still on her lips.

But she had been a single mother for ten years, running the town and taking care of a boy that was far too demanding of her attention so coming up with something that's close to a healthy lunch sans canned soup, it's nothing she hasn't faced before. There was a time that facing a Troll wasn't as scary as facing a hungry two years old kid. And Emma is not a two years old kid; she will appreciate the time and effort Regina took to open and heat up the chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese sandwich and won't spit it in her face.

She hopes. That soup sure looks nasty.

She puts both plates out and on a second thought, takes out a glass and fills it with milk. Carefully as not to spill the soup or the milk, she goes upstairs to their bedroom. Henry's door is closed, but she can hear the shower running and him singing faintly the lyrics of a hip hop song and smiles.

That he took after his other mom.

"If you don't like the soup remember you went shopping last week," she warns before entering the room and is greeted with the sight of an empty bed. "Emma?"

She hears a sniff first and rolls her eyes. She really thought they were done for today. If Emma couldn't see that her making soup was a peace offering then she was as idiotic as her two parents. She leaves the tray to the bed, already irritated with the blonde's behavior and follows the sniffing to the bathroom.

Emma is sitting on the toiler, head down between her hands, crying softly.

"Honesty, dear, if anyone should cry it should be me…" Her voice trails off. Emma looks at her with wide, fearful eyes and Regina hasn't seen that look on Emma's face since that night in Neverland. Instantly, she's on her knees in front of the blonde, hands on Emma's cheeks as she's trying to read the other woman's face and fails when Emma makes a grimace and more tears come out, and Regina doesn't really know what's going on. "What? Emma, what?"

Then she sees the toilet paper that Emma still holds between, sees the red, so crimson on white _white_ paper and the room starts to spin around her.

_Oh_!


	5. Chapter 5

"Here you are."

"Here I am."

"I was looking everywhere for you."

"And now you found me."

Regina watches as Snow stands at the chapel's door not knowing if she wants to come inside or go back to Emma's room. She's surprised that Snow left her daughter's side in the first place. From the way she was crying and hugging Emma, she didn't think that was possible. Perhaps Whale had finally decided to do his job and keep visitors away from Emma's room.

That was the reason Regina was sitting in the chapel, alone, waiting patiently for the crowd to go away because Gods forbid something happen to the Savior or the Evil Queen and the town doesn't find out. Henry, as shocked as he was, couldn't have sent a text or call his grandparents; the boy had barely put his clothes on, hair still wet from the shower, when Regina marched into his room, telling him that they are going to the hospital.

Whale is not that stupid to go behind her back again so that leaves the rest of the staff and nurses, and frankly, Regina is too tired to give a damn. Driving here with a sobbing Emma and a frantic Henry, and then waiting for news while trying to explain to Snow and David what happened without losing her patience, wore her out. The adrenaline is wearing off, add that to the fact that she had wine, bread and cheese for lunch, and now she's crashing, hard.

She doesn't even protest when Snow hands her a soda with more sugar in it than she had the whole week. Instead she takes it with a small smile and downs half of it with few gulps.

"Henry thinks Emma is having a magic baby." Snow takes a seat next to her, making sure that there is enough space between their bodies. "Why does he thinks that?"

"Would you rather have him think of his mother as a stupid bitch who can't keep her legs closed?"

Okay, now she's just lashing and at the wrong person, but Snow seems to realize that and lets her have her drink without saying a word. Regina takes her time, small slow sips, because she already feels the pressure of air in her chest from drinking too fast.

"She's my daughter, Regina," Snow sounds defeated, small, so much unlike the woman Regina loves and hates. "What am I suppose to do?"

"Do you really believe that I'm expecting anything from you?"

She watches as Snow inhales loudly, holding the air inside her lungs as if to keep all the negativity inside. Couple of years before a comment like that and they would be hair pulling and crossing lefts and rights until they both were gasping for air. Now, with Neverland always in the back of their minds, now they hurt each other with words and uncomfortable silence.

"You can't expect me to choose-"

"Choose? When did you ever choose me to start now?"

"Regina." Snow takes another breath, weighting her options, "She's my daughter."

"Snow, if you came here to tell me about your family tree I am very aware of it, dear."

"I came here to see how you are doing."

"I'm fine as you can see." And just because she can't help but add insult to injury, "It's not the first time that I trusted someone of your bloodline only to have my trust broken."

Snow stands up, ready for a fight, eyes burning with something that Regina can't identify, anger? Regret? Maybe both, maybe not. Regina takes one last sip from her drink before, with a cold smile, she makes the can disappear from her hand and Snow gets the message because she sits again, eyes on the crucifix in the middle of the altar, lips a thin line.

They are the only two people in the chapel, but someone was here before them because the flick of two candles gets Regina's attention and she looks away from Snow, to the other side of the room. With the curse broken, she thought that no one would worship the God of this land, but it seems that no matter the world or the time, someone will always pray for a miracle.

In their land they had the Blue Fairy to decide whose wish would be granted and whose wouldn't and Regina, from a very small age, learned that no one would come for her. Some nights she can't fall asleep and watches the seconds turn into hours, sometimes she wonders how different her life would be if someone had come for her. And sometimes she wonders why no one came for her and rest never comes on those nights.

"What are you going to do?"

"Emma and I came to an agreement."

Snow, who is still looking in front of her as if she waiting for a piece of wood to give her the answers to all her questions, asks, "Agreement?"

"I am not stupid, Snow."

Snow laughs and puts her head between her hands, shaking it. "What does that even means?"

"It means that I've done some stupid things in my life, trusting you, Emma," she makes a gesture with her head. "But I'm not stupid."

"Well, I am." Snow raises her head and looks at Regina. "Because I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Answer me one question; why do you think no one went after Rumpelstiltskin when Emma broke the curse?" And because Snow looks more confused than ever, Regina continues. "Back in the Enchanted Forest you had him locked in a cell because he was dangerous to all of us yet here he walks free."

"I don't understand what that has to do with Emma. Or you."

"Belle."

"Belle, what?" Snow licks her lips, clearly uncomfortable with the way this conversation is going.

"Belle loves Rumpelstiltskin and because of that he gets a get out of jail free card. If someone as sweet and lovely as Belle can love the Dark One, then perhaps he's not that bad." Regina can practically see and hear the gears in Snow's brain moving. "Emma is my Belle. My get out of jail free card. And the baby? The baby of the Savior and the Evil Queen? The baby is my _indulgentia_, the _pardon_ for all of my sins."

"Gods, Regina!"

Snow runs a hand through her hair, but it's not enough. Regina sits and watches, as the other woman stands up and starts pacing up and down the small chapel. She smiles, thinking of all the things that might be crossing Snow's mind right now, sure that none of them are good for her well-being. She admits it, she took it a bit too far with the whole pardon thing, but they _are_ inside a chapel. It would have been a waste of a good opportunity.

Snow is standing in front of her and Regina blinks in surprise; the other woman moves fast when she wants it.

"You don't mean it." Snow's jaw is tight and she's shaking her head, whispering the same words a few more times, the light from the altar that falls on her from behind makes her look like a shadow, darker and bigger than she really is. "You don't mean it. I know you, Regina."

"You know nothing, Snow White." Regina snaps.

"I do," Snow nods, desperately holding back tears from falling. "I know you."

"You. Know. Nothing."

Snow laughs then, a burst of laugh than sounds even louder to the empty room. She turns her back to Regina, one hand on her forehead and the other fist to her side before turning to face Regina once more, tears running down her cheeks.

"I know that if you didn't feel anything for my daughter you would be up there in her room, smiling and attending to her every need for the whole town to see." She wipes the tears from her cheeks before she continues. "I know that she hurt you and now you are trying to hurt me back because it's easier to blame me for her actions. I know that if you thought of the baby like a _pardon for your sins_ then you would be up there, cheering for his or hers conception instead of hiding in a chapel so don't you dare sit there, lying to my face because that's what you're doing!"

Regina looks at her, trying to challenge Snow, trying to show that Snow's words didn't hit home, but they both know that's just her pride and nothing more.

"See?" Snow asks and sits next to her, and when she takes her hand in hers, Regina doesn't fight back, she lets her and Snow, her once sworn enemy, squeezes it back, offering her comfort. "I do know some things."

And together they sit, in silence, staring ahead of them, until Henry comes and finds them, and only then Regina lets go of Snow's hand.

* * *

Emma is fighting with the remote control when Regina goes back to the room and for a moment she stands at the door and smiles at the blonde. Then she remembers what Emma did and her smile fades into a scowl.

Snow had been right, she still has feelings for Emma. She thought that it would be easier, to hate Emma, to forget and move on, but despite what Emma did, she still has feelings for her. Her heart still skips a beat when she sees that mess of blond hair or the blonde's smile and that is what makes it hurt so. Her feelings didn't change and she wishes they had.

You don't stop loving someone, your pride makes you think you do and Regina? Her pride, well, her pride brought them here. To a nice little town in Maine, with modern technology, fast downloads and cable TV.

"Hey," Emma calls from the bed and Regina walks inside, takes the chair from the corner of the room, repositions it to the side of Emma's bed.

"I sent Henry home with your parents. Whale wants to keep you overnight."

"Hell no! I'm fine, the baby's fine, I'm going home."

"Too bad, you're staying."

Emma, stubborn as Regina sometimes, clicks the TV off and throws the remote to her feet. "I want to go home, Regina. I'm tired of people coming every five minutes to my room to check on me. You heard Whale, the blood, it happens in a lot of pregnancies. It didn't happen with Henry, I freaked out, I want to go home."

Regina says nothing, reaches for the remote, turns on the TV and finds a documentary she hadn't seen. After a while, Emma seems to understand that she's fighting a losing battle and settles back against the pillows with a groan of frustration.

Nurses come and go, Whales visits twice before he leaves the hospital with a warning to call him if anything's wrong or if Emma feels 'anything funny' which earns him a glance from Regina. Night settles in and no one in the hospital is bold enough to ask the Evil Queen to leave so that Emma can get some rest. She stays with Emma, making herself less threatening if not invisible and after a while no one pays attention to her.

"I know how you feel."

They are sharing a bowl of jell-o, banana flavored, when Emma decides to break the silence. Regina doesn't blame her. They have been watching television for the last three hours and her eyes start to feel dry. The break for something sweet (but healthy) was much needed and a brilliant idea from Emma.

"You think I don't, but I do." Emma digs her spoon deep in the yellow-ish desert, taking half the jell-o and watching it shake. "I was seventeen, pregnant and in jail, and the only person I trusted had skipped town. So I know how it is to feel trapped with nowhere to go and maybe you're not behind bars, but you can't exactly pack your things up and leave."

"I don't think Henry would like that very much," Regina licks her spoon clean and waits for Emma to continue.

"He wouldn't, you know that."

She does actually and if she smiles it's because of the memory of them earlier sitting on a bench, talking and smiling, just happy to spend time together.

"Neal…Jesus, I never thought I'll pull a Neal on anyone let alone on someone I care about. But I did and I know how much it hurts, okay? I know and I hate myself for doing that to you. I hate me because I know. I hate me more because I know how hard it is for people like us to put our trust in someone else hands." Emma tilts her head, trying to find Regina's eyes. "I know that a 'sorry' it's not going to fix things." She laughs. "I know that if Neal had come while I was in prison saying he was sorry I would have been behind bars for a lot more than a year."

Despite herself, Regina laughs. Yeah, she can picture a younger, heartbroken, pregnant Emma kicking Neal's ass with ease.

"All I'm saying is," Emma stops to take a breath and Regina is almost afraid of what's next. "Hate me all you want, but don't hate the baby."

* * *

**A/N:** I want to thanks everyone that read and reviewed. Every review, even if it's a simple 'more' means a lot not only to me but to every other writer as well, and is the motivation we need to keep writing. So again, thank you all.

To the guest that wants Henry to find that Emma is the bad guy in the story, this is not a story of who's wrong and who's right. This is a story about people who make mistakes and learning (or not) to live with them. Of course, if I need to explain the story it means that I didn't do a very good job showing and for that I apologize.


	6. Chapter 6

There is a picture of a marijuana leaf on her lighter and she stares at it for a very long time before shrugging her shoulders and lighting her cigarette.

Archie watches her and she knows he's watching. These days he's always watching her, like he's expecting her to start to wear her hair really high and apply too much eyeliner. She's not sure what the bug would do if she did; would he jump to stop her or would he try to analyze the Evil Queen like the pseudo-psychologist he is. She wants to believe that he would just try to talk her like a friend.

Only they are not exactly friends. Regina never had friends. People either used her or she used them. Maybe that why Emma's betrayal hurt so much. If they can't work things out, Regina is going to lose her best friend as well and that is something she doesn't want to happen. Despite everything she did to her, Emma managed to see her as a human being who was hurting rather than some mythical creature made from the worst nightmares.

Emma didn't see the Evil Queen or Queen Regina. She saw a woman who was hurting and would do anything to keep the one thing she had in her life; Henry. Regina never cared about her actions before because she had no one to care for. Watching Henry trying to come to terms with who his mother was and what she did was enough to make her want to change her ways. At one time it seemed impossible, but then Neverland happened and if Regina is sitting in Archie's office, talking her feeling, instead of burning this city to cinders it's because of Henry.

"I can't let go."

Archie nods. It is not the first time they have this conversation. It's a topic they have often and despite Regina knowing what she has to change, it is pretty obvious that she needs help from someone that wasn't a cricket in a past life. And while Regina would like nothing more than find the help that she needs, the risks are too high.

So Archie is trying his best, reading textbooks and searching online, and, slowly, they are making progress.

That his office is right across from Granny's is a huge advantage for Regina. The town has noticed she's trying and while she's not going to win a popularity contest yet, she's not constantly checking over her shoulder for danger.

"Can I ask you something?" Archie says and just by looking at him she knows what he's going to say. It is comforting, knowing someone so well without having anything to gain from them.

"It helps me calm my nerves."

"I see."

He doesn't ask her to put her smoke out nevertheless she takes one last puff and with a wave of her hand it disappears from her fingers.

"I'm worried more about _that_ than you smoking again." He leans forward, resting his elbows to his knees. Pongo, from his spot in the corner, lifts his head and sniffs the air before getting back to chewing his new toy. "Pongo wants to thank you for his new toy by the way, but you know you don't have to buy him something every time you come here."

"I like him." The Dalmatian, as if he understands that they are talking about him, barks. "I'm not slipping."

"No one would blame you if you did."

Regina's not so sure. A lot of people would blame her if she started using magic and she doesn't talk about the little things like making a cigarette or a can of soda disappear. She even _poofed_ Henry to his baseball practice one time when Emma was at work and the battery of her Benz was dead.

People; they expect to see her poof in the middle of the street. She'd never hidden her powers before. In fact most times she put on quite a show. Even Henry expects her to use her powers every now and then, perhaps because Emma uses magic sometimes or because of the battle with Pan, but he's not so against it anymore.

If it helps him get to his practice on time then he's fine with it.

"I'm not slipping," she says again, stubbornly.

"And I'm saying it again. No one would blame you if you did. Finding comfort in old habits," he points to the pack of tobacco next to her cell and gives her an understanding smile. "in situations such as you're going through is not uncommon."

"I don't think the town would be very understanding even if-" Her voice fades. People might suspect that the baby the Savior is carrying is not hers, but not many have a deep knowledge of magic. What most of them knew about magic was how to ask for help and then get angry when they have to pay the price.

Archie finds the opportunity he needs to change the subject and asks, "How are things with Emma?"

Her hand flies to the tobacco pouch and she wasn't lying when she admitted to him that smoking helps with her nerves. She takes out a rolling paper, spreads a small amount of tobacco and rolls it without much effort, a sign that she has done that many times in the past. She doesn't light it though and sees from the corner of her eye the little smile on Archie's face.

"She sends me lots of texts."

"Texts?"

"When she's going out. She sends me texts telling me where she's going and with whom."

"That's good, isn't it?"

"That's five months too late," she's irritated now and the urge to smoke is greater than ever and Gods, quitting smoking one time was hard enough, she doesn't know if she can do it a second time.

Not when the whole Charming family is at her house painting the nursery.

"I know what she's doing. I'm not an idiot."

Emma is trying to gain her trust, only this time she's using action instead of words. Ever since they left the hospital, two months ago, the blonde is texting or calling her if she's going to be late and spends most of her time at home with Regina or Henry. For Gods sake, she even learned how to cook! And while Regina feels her anger rise every time Emma sends a text, she can't help but like it when she doesn't have to cook after a long day at the office.

What she really doesn't want to admit is that it's working. She hasn't forgiven Emma and she's not sure if she will, but it is working. But if Emma is making an effort, Regina isn't even trying. Emma might have her trust, but Regina is not so sure that she has her heart anymore, ergo her almost daily visits to Archie.

"Do you think I'm staying with her because she's what I know?" She asks him suddenly.

"Do you feel like you staying with her because she's what you know?" Archie, like a good therapist, answers a question with a question.

"I don't know."

She asks herself that question every since they left from the hospital, two months ago. And every time she fails to give an answer, fear takes over. Fear that she's in another relationship with no meaning. Like Leopold, like Graham. And while she knows that she wasn't forced into a relationship with the Savior or that she was tired of feeling lonely and wanted a body to warm her bed, she's starting to feel like she doesn't have options.

She never did well when she was out of options.

She gets up from where she's sitting, needing to blow off some energy. Pongo sees her, gets up lazily, stretches his body, and meets her halfway across the room. His nose is wet when he licks her fingers, thanking her for his toy.

"Dogs are easy," she says to Archie while she kneels to pet Pongo. "You can always tell how they feel about you."

[x][x][x][x][x][x][x][x]

She pops a stick of gum in her mouth to cover the smell of the smoke she finally had after she left Archie's office and chews it a few times before spitting it into her handkerchief.

The door is open and she can hear voices inside, Henry's and David's, arguing about something and then a laugh, Snow, and she closes her eyes and tries to fight the urge to get back in the car and go to Granny's for a drink until David and Snow go back to their own place.

Instead, she walks inside and goes straight to the kitchen for a glass of water, glad to find the room empty. Filling her glass with water from the tap, she notices that Emma has done the few dishes Regina had left in the sink before going to her appointment with Archie; a coffee cup and a couple of dirty plates from Henry's room. She even did the laundry. All those little things Regina bothered her to do for ages, always ending with a fight, and now she finds herself missing their routine.

"Hey."

She turns around and shrugs her shoulders in a greeting. "Hey."

Emma is five months pregnant now and she wasn't showing at all until she hit the second trimester. She hasn't put on much weight and while her cheeks are fuller and her chest is a size bigger, her baby bump stands out. For a while they thought she was carrying twins before an ultrasound proved them wrong.

"Are you still fighting with the bed?" Regina asks and takes a sip from her water.

"I think it's safe to say that we'll ask Marko to do the rest of the baby's furniture."

"Of course." She nods.

_Do you feel like you staying with her because she's what you know_? She hears Archie's voice loud in her head and as much as she tries, she doesn't have an answer. She knows she still has feeling for Emma, if she didn't she wouldn't be jealous of someone she never met. Then again, perhaps it's just her pride that can't accept that someone else touched belonged to her.

What she thought belonged to her.

Gods, she really has trouble letting go.

" I have a headache," she lies, rubbing the back of her neck for emphasis. "Do you need me or-"

"No, hey, you go rest." Emma's eyes shine with unshed tears, but she shakes her head, her pride also out to play. "We have it covered. Yeah. David's almost figured out what we need to do. So, yeah, go rest, okay? We won't bother you. In fact, I'm going to ask them to leave."

Not in a million years would she believe that there was going to be a time to feel sorry about Snow White and Prince Charming, but here she is, staring as their only daughter is close to tears. "No, you know, you don't have to do that. I'll go to my study."

Uncomfortable silence falls between them and it's then Regina realizes that their relationship has changed. She never felt uncomfortable sharing the silence with Emma before. Not after they became a couple and had to hide their relationship from everyone. Now, now she feels the silence as if there is a third person in the room with them.

"Please, don't shut me out."

"I'm not." But even in her ears the words sound empty.

"I'm trying, Regina." Emma walks inside the room and closes the door behind her knowing all to well about Henry's little habit of eavesdropping. She keeps her voice low when she asks, "But am I fighting a losing battle? Because I feel like I am and…and I wouldn't blame you. But I need to know, okay? I need to know."

"Emma, I-I don't know."

She doesn't. She's not sure what has changed in those two months, but she knows that something did. Otherwise she wouldn't be staring at the blonde, trying to find a reason to fight for what they have.

For what they had.

Perhaps it's because she can't give an answer to the one question that bothered her for so many days and nights now. Perhaps it's because she's afraid of the answer.

"I don't know."

* * *

**A/N:** So my betas are not only awesome, but super fast as well. I wish I could say the same about me. Thank you all for your comments and PM. Sometimes it takes me a while to answer to all of you, but I read and appreciate every review.


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